It’s pretty common knowledge that when you are watching a marathon, you never shout to the runners how much farther they need to go. Never, ever say, “You only have seven miles to go! You can do it!” It’s the worst thing they can hear. Yes, they might have already run twenty miles or so but those last few miles can seem impossible to complete.
That is how I feel about my cancer. A lot of people keep saying to me, “Oh, it’s going to be fine.” “You’re young.” “I know someone who’s been through it and now they barely remember it.” “You’re tough, you can do it.” “You’re going to be fine.” But what does that mean? Really?
I’m not begrudging these people for saying this to me. Many are wonderful people with the best intentions and want to be positive and help me do the same. But what they don’t realize is that I’m looking through a tunnel. At the end of the tunnel there might be “fine,” but I certainly can’t see it. I only see what’s right in front of me and that’s all of the treatment, recovery and struggle. How am I really supposed to see beyond that?
Everything is not fine right now. I have cancer. It’s fucking serious. I’m about a week away from a mastectomy and four weeks from chemo. Fine is so far away, it seems impossible to complete.