The day has finally come. I think I am in a bit of denial about this. I have been imagining this time in my head; sitting in a ball in the corner of my room, crying and shaking. But I’m not doing that.
I am scared, very scared. I haven’t spoken to anyone who has said that their chemo experience was easy. Everyone experiences some side effects that interfere with normal life. I know I am going to lose my hair. I know I am going to be tired. But what else?
Like most things, it’s walking into the unknown that is most frightening. Like before my mastectomy. The fear was unbearable and I was barely able to walk into the OR. Now, just having had my third surgery in two months, I look forward to the nap you get with anesthesia (it’s the best!!!!!).
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new unknown. Five months of who knows? I am detached and terrified all at the same time. I think tomorrow will be particularly hard. I can’t imagine letting them stick me with a needle and administering the first poison (it’s red in color). How can I let them do that to me? How can I not?
So here’s what I ask of you. I know that they are going to keep me pretty distracted with information (they send down a social worker, a nutritionist and massage therapist) but can you all send me photos, videos, articles that will make me laugh, inspire me or make me go “awww…” Nothing too deep or serious. Nothing that will make me cry. There will be enough of that, I’m sure. I need distraction. Anything you can send my way would be amazing.
Onward and upward! Let’s kick cancer’s ass!!!!!!