I’ve had a slight setback. I came in for my second chemo treatment yesterday but my blood test results showed that my red blood cell count has dropped drastically. As a result, they canceled my treatment and right now I am getting a blood transfusion.
When I found out yesterday that this was going to happen, I was shocked, frustrated and angry. I have been feeling so much better. I’m not completely back to normal but I’ve had a lot more energy and I have been out in the world doing things. I thought for sure that I was on the mend and that when my blood counts came back I’d see a huge improvement. Not so. My white blood cells and platelets are very good but I’m severely anemic. The doctors were shocked too because someone with my numbers should be pale and white and laid up in bed. I’m definitely asymptomatic.
That’s good news but I took the news of having to skip my chemo and do this transfusion really hard. I cried all day long. I know I haven’t done anything wrong and chemo is a tough bitch and can do this to a person. It’s not abnormal. But I still can’t help but feel like I’ve failed a little. Just like I want to be a good student and strive for perfection, I want to be the same with my treatment. No failures. No setbacks. The end feels so far away already, to have it pushed back even by one week makes the journey feel infinite. I just want this to end and I want my life back.
They said that the transfusion should give me more energy and that by tomorrow I should be feeling good. I hope so. Oliver’s birthday is on Saturday and I want to feel great for him.
Two steps forward, one step back. Cancer doesn’t let anyone off easy.