After a very rough two weeks of blood transfusions, hospitalizations, fevers, sickness and many tests, whatever had gotten me down seems to be finally gone. We did test after test to make sure I didn’t have an infection but none of them came out positive. We are sure that I just had a virus but during all of this, my red blood cell count tanked and then, after leaving the hospital, my white blood cell count tanked. I got four days worth of shots to boost my immunity and it worked.
Yesterday, after a two week hiatus I continued with my second treatment of Taxol and Herceptin. I’m so happy that I am beginning again (not that I want chemo but I need it, so they say). I’m still frustrated that I had to take such a long break and now my end date is much further away, or at least that is how it seems to me. I now have 10 more treatments to go. By tomorrow, I should have been down to 8. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
I’m taking every action possible to make sure that I don’t have any more setbacks, although I know it isn’t completely in my control. I’m being even more anal about hand washing and sanitizing. I’m wearing a mask on the subway, despite the stares and whispers. What do they know? Haven’t they seen stranger things on the subway. I’m sure I do each day.
But I’m going back to work after the new year and I’m nervous about being in schools and around children again. I was very excited to be going back but after what I have been through, I’m scared to do most things. On Sunday, Ken took Oliver to the children’s museum but I stayed home, too afraid to be around a place that is sure to have germs on every surface. I don’t want to stop my life but I can’t let this happen again.
For those of you who have gone through this, how did you handle these fears? Am I being a little crazy?