Today Oliver and I decided to take the B16 bus (his favorite bus) to the Prospect Park Zoo, one of his favorite spots in Brooklyn. When we left the house it was chilly. I hadn’t dressed warmly enough and had just a light cotton cap on my head. But I didn’t want to turn around. To walk back and forth again with a toddler is not fun or ideal. I decided to just deal with it. But after the zoo and on the way home, the sun was shining brightly. It was still cool but the sun on my hat made my head warm, uncomfortably warm.
I took a deep breath. Again. Then I removed my cap, displaying my cancer head for the world to see for the first time. Would people stare at me? Would they pity me? I was worried at first. But the world passed by. They were more interested in Oliver who was running around and squealing with joy than the salt and pepper fuzz unevenly growing on my head. Then the bus came and we got on. And then we were home. And suddenly, I didn’t care what people thought. If they were confused, angry or sad by my look. I was happy to not bake under the sun’s rays. Also, I was liberated to have the courage to wear my cancer like the badge of strength that it is.