My Little Bs Have the Big C

A Breast Cancer Blog For Young Women

Gray Hair, Don’t Care

12 Comments

Well, maybe I care a little bit.  It’s interesting.  When I look at myself in the mirror, I still see cancer.  My eyelashes are thin, so are my eyebrows.  And my hair…  My hair is, well, not my hair.  It’s very short and very gray.  Not that deep, dark chocolate bob that I used to sport.  When I see my reflection, I still see illness.

It’s interesting, though.  Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of compliments on my “haircut.”  When people I know tell me that my hair looks great, it’s not that I think they’re lying.  I just think they’re being extra nice.  But strangers in elevators have been asking where I get my hair done?  I’m always thrown for a loop.  I don’t know what to say.  Because to me, it’s not a haircut.  It’s not a hairstyle.  It’s cancer.  It’s sickness.  It’s pain.  And although the look is funky, it’s not me.

I’m looking forward to my first haircut and the pixie cuts that I will rock.  I think that will be fun.  But right now, a little more than 3 months post chemo, I’m still getting used to the new me.

hair 3 months

The top two photos are a little more than a month post chemo. The bottom photos were taken a week ago, just a little more than 3 months post chemo.

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12 thoughts on “Gray Hair, Don’t Care

  1. You look amazing! Plus you have way more hair them me!! I’m a little more then 3 months post chemo.

    • Thank you! How is your hair growing in? Is it very different from your pre-chemo hair? Are you rocking it or are you still rocking a wig/scarf or cool summer hat?

  2. You look really good with silver hair!

    I don’t recall anyone approaching me about my haircut but I wore a wig for a while and you could see my short hair sticking out from the front. I was still feeling a little overwhelmed and didn’t want to face people’s questions. It is not the type of answer people would expect, “oh my haircut? I got it through chemo.” I am sure the other person wouldn’t know what to say. But if you are prepared to answer, go ahead. It would def. bring some level of awareness. I talk about my cancer all the time now but it took me some time.

    I saw cancer for a while after my hair came back. Wait…I still see cancer: my scars, my bruises on my arms every time I get blood drawn — reminders are everywhere. I hate to call this a “lifestyle” but it feels like I have to accept it and get used to that idea. There are good days though.

    I can’t wait to see your new haircut!

    • Did you wear a wig in the summer? It was hot in the winter for me so I can’t imagine wearing one in this weather.
      When I get a compliment, sometimes I just say “thank you” but other times I say that it’s a result of chemo. Depends on my mood.
      I have definitely not been prepared for the fact that cancer is a lifestyle. I’ve been having a really hard time with this lately. It’s probably the topic of my next post.

  3. By the way, I love your photos at the top of your blog.

  4. It really looks stylish! ! I would assume it was intentional if I didn’t know.

    • Thank you! That’s a big compliment. It’s just still funny to me that others think it look natural and cool and it’s still so new and foreign to me. But we rarely see ourselves the way others see us.

  5. Ha, I get the same comments on my “new do”– short and gray post-chemo v. the full, thick, dark curls I used to sport. But you DO look good…. and maybe I do, too. Still, it takes some getting used to for me–like I am officially on the other side of young (even though being diagnosed at 39 made me feel TOO young, if you know what I mean).

    • I don’t know how old you are but any age is too young for breast cancer, that’s just my opinion. I’m just reading this after a busy wedding weekend in Minneapolis so I’m looking forward to checking out your hair on your blog tonight!

  6. I’m 40 now, finishing treatment in a few weeks– was diagnosed at 39. But yes, any age IS too young for breast cancer! I look forward to reading more of your blog, glad I found it.

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