My Little Bs Have the Big C

A Breast Cancer Blog For Young Women

Two Places At The Same Time

5 Comments

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You may have noticed that I’ve taken a blogging hiatus.  I just haven’t been able to bring myself to sit in front of my computer and write about cancer lately.  I’ve had things to write about.  Nothing major, just life’s little post-cancer experiences.  It’s just…I don’t know.  I’ve opened up my blog to a blank page, stared for a while and decided that I’d rather just watch some tv or do thing online.  I haven’t even been reading the blogs (sorry friends, I haven’t forgotten about you).

I think this is coming from the fact that I’ve been all consumed with life post-election and Trump being inaugurated as our 45th president.  I haven’t been sleeping.  I’ve been obsessed with the news, both on television and of the printed variety.  I’ve been feeling helpless so I have been spending hours on the phone trying to get through to my Senator and Congressperson.  I’ve been signing petitions.  I’ve been sharing news stories on Facebook and commenting on others.  I’ve been going to protests and marches.

This obsession with resistance is the same obsession I had with breast cancer.  When I was diagnosed and up until a few months ago, I scoured the internet for information.  I lost sleep over it.  I read every article, blog and commented on everything.

But now, I just don’t have the mental and emotional space for both cancer and my new America.  I think my brain would explode if I spent too much time in both worlds.  So, I’ve left Cancerland for a while.

I’m not gone for good.  Even as I write this (it feels good), I’m thinking of all the things I haven’t written about in the last month.  Some good.  Some not so good.  But it seems, at least for now, my head and my heart can’t be in two different places at the same time.

I hope to write again soon.  I’m having my next surgery on Thursday, the next step in my reconstruction and Lymphedema Awareness Day is coming up.  I definitely want to write for that.

I just wanted to say, I’ve missed you all.  I hope you have missed me.  And don’t be offended if I haven’t read or commented on the things you have written.  It’s not personal.  You are still my community.

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This was at The Women’s March On Washington.  I’ve loved being part of the resistance and raising my voice.

 

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5 thoughts on “Two Places At The Same Time

  1. Totally relate to this. Hang tough. Xo

  2. Me too–not reading cancer stuff (unless it is ACA related), reading news, joined Indivisible local chapter, working on that instead. I just cannot do everything and I feel my focus needs to be there, not in CancerLand right now.

  3. I am the same. I told my therapist the the only upside to the election is that it has rid me from a preoccupation with cancer. But I would rather be terrified of a recurrence than of what my country is becoming.

  4. I’ve been in a similar place. Nice to hear from you though!

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