My Little Bs Have the Big C

A Breast Cancer Blog For Young Women


Don’t Put Your Money Where Your Boob Is



Grumble, grumble.


Stomp foot.

It’s that time of year again.  October.  Pinktober.  The time of year that America and the world is supposed to “celebrate” breast cancer, bring awareness to the disease and get every woman to touch their boobs.  And, while we’re at it, buy a few pink things to support the cause.

But do me a favor.  Do not buy a pink toaster, kitchen aid, pen, purse, drink, lipstick, donut or bagel for me.  Do not buy a pink bra, t-shirt, socks, boa or scarf to show your support.  Please, do not buy a pink car, bucket of fried chicken, gun (yes, there are pink guns people!!!!), perfume, football, stiletto or nail polish because you think it’s helping.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s probably not.

I know you are buying these things because you are a good person and you are trying to help and why not get something cute you can show off while you’re at it?  I get it.  I do!  You’re heart is in the right place.  But when you buy these things, you need to ask, “where is this money really going and how much of it is spent on research?”  Breast Cancer Action has four questions you should be asking and they are good ones.  So if you really want that pink thing you found at your local shop, take a look at these questions to ask first.

  • Does any money from this program go to breast cancer products?  How much?
  • What organization will get the money?  What will they do with the funds?  How do these programs turn the tide of the breast cancer epidemic?
  • Is there a “cap” on the amount of money you will donate?  Has this amount already been met?
  • Does this purchase put you or someone you know at risk to toxins linked to breast cancer?

If after asking all of these questions you still want to buy something “pink” because of how it makes you feel, go for it.  At least you’ve done your research.  But I urge you to also donate directly to organizations that are working to cure metastatic breast cancer or that are providing essential services to those who are going through treatment or have finished active treatment.  Which ones, you ask?  Well, there are a lot and my goal is to feature as many of them as possible in the month of October.

In this post, I’d like to feature organizations that I have personally used that I am eternally grateful for.  They are not researchers.  They are not going to cure the disease.  But they make living with breast cancer a little more tolerable.  I hope that you can give any amount to their cause because they have helped so many women like myself.  What they do is nothing short of extraordinary.

5 Under 40 Foundation

Mission: To provide medical, wellness and beauty services to women under the age of 40 who have been diagnosed with breast cancer or have tested positive for a BRCA gene mutation. We focus on a woman’s whole being in order to empower, foster hope and improve the quality of life for women in the face of this disease.

The organization was started by Jennifer Finkelstein, who was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 32, 2 months before her wedding day.  The organization focuses on working with women who were diagnosed with breast cancer before the age of 40 or have test positive for the BRCA gene mutation.  The money they receive goes toward services like medical (mammograms, lymphedema support, nipple tattoos, medical massage therapy), wellness (personal training, yoga, nutrition) and beauty (quality wigs, makeup, scarves).  The organization also holds support groups with leaders in the field such as nutritionists, oncologists, makeup artists, lymphedema specialists and more.

5 Under 40 helped to fund my very expensive lymphedema therapy and I have been to countless support group sessions.  I find the services they provide invaluable and have seen first hand the impact they have had on dozens of young women.  Please donate!!!!


Hair We Share

Mission:  “To help maintain the dignity, confidence and self-esteem of those affected by medical hair loss.”

Hair We Share makes custom wigs for men, women and children who suffer from medical hair loss.  This can be from cancer treatment, for alopecia or due to a trauma.  The organization relies solely on hair  and monetary donations.

Hair we Share generously donated a wig for me and I was ever so grateful.  Please consider making a donation in any dollar amount that you can afford.  Or, if you are considering donating your hair, this would be a great organization to consider.


Hidden Warriors

Hidden Warriors mission has many levels and goals that I invite you to read here but it’s main goal is to use costume and makeup role play as a way to empower women who have undergone cancer treatment.  Women dress up as “warriors” with over the top head pieces, costumes, fantasy makeup and then do a photo shoot while holding a power pose and listening to music that the warrior finds empowering.

I participated in their workshop last winter and it was one of the most fun experiences I’ve had in a long time.  What they do is truly unique and the director is passionate about empowering women to find the warriors within themselves as a way to help fight the disease and live a more positive lifestyle after treatment (or during treatment).

They are trying to do as many of these workshops as possible but need donations to make it happen.  If you would like to donate, your money would be going to a worthwhile cause.


What organizations have helped you through the cancer process?  Please comment below.


Warrior Pose

I’ve been a bit MIA lately due to being crazy with work and life.  I’ve missed many of your posts lately and I want to apologize for that.  I hope to find time to catch up.  It might be like this for the next month or so since this is my busy time with work.  I just wanted to put this out there.  Now, on to our regularly scheduled blog post!

Back in July, I was reading one of the blogs I had come across called My OBT (One Beautiful Thing), a blog that finds the beauty in every day.  She posted about these amazing headpieces that she found on Etsy.  They were incredible, intricate and fierce!  And in the post, she quoted the artist who mentioned her work with Hidden Warriors, an organization that works with women cancer survivors and treats them to a day of delicious clean food, power posing, and costume therapy.  I became obsessed.  I had to find out more.  I had to get a chance to wear one of those headdresses!!!  Last Sunday, it happened.  I became a warrior.

The mission of Hidden Warriors is “increasing self-esteem in and empowering women who have been affected by cancer. Together, we create an experiential and transformative adventure which tap into the Hidden Warriors they already are. The Warrior Makeover Workshop model is achieving this goal!”

The day started at 10 am.  I entered the building on W 26th St. and took the elevator to the 6th floor.  I was immediately greeted by Mayra, the mother of the Hidden Warriors founder and inspiration behind the organization whose bubbly and excited energy caught me the moment I walked off the elevator.  She was running around, making sure everything was set up and ready for us.  She wanted everything to be perfect.

First, a lovely vegan meal arrived with a kale salad, sandwiches, smoothies and snacks.  It was a beautiful feast.  One of the goals of Hidden Warriors is to show the benefit of clean eating.  I’m not a vegan but this meal was so delicious, I forgot about real cheese.  And I love real cheese.  IMG_5857

Once all of the other women arrived (there were five of us in total), the sessions began.  Marlene, who founded Hidden Warriors, welcomed us to the day and outlined everything that was planned and her vision for the future of the organization.  We were then treated to a session with an OT on channeling positive energy by tapping on certain parts of our body.  I enjoyed learning a new technique for meditation and the ritual was calming.  I’m not sure this specific method of meditation is my taste but I would love to incorporate more meditation into my daily life.  Even taking five minutes to clear the mind was rejuvenating.

Next, we were asked to think about gratitude and how “finding the gold in the darkness” of our cancer experience could be beneficial both for our physical and mental health.  Now, as many of you know, I hate cancer.  I really fucking hate it and, in my opinion, nothing good has come of it.  You know that I am of the belief that cancer was not a gift.  So, to hear that they wanted us to do this stiffened me up a bit.  What would they think of me?  Was I failing warrior 101?

I chose to be honest.  As we went around the circle reading from our list, I listened to the other women and their lists of gratitude.  Some truly have found the good in cancer and have come out the other side either with new perspectives on life or with positive experiences.  I envied them.  “I don’t give a shit about the small stuff anymore.”  Well, I still do and even more so now.  “I only see the good in people.”  I always did but the negative energy that people put out is now amplified for me.  So when it came to my turn I said, “Nothing good has come from cancer.  I have to be honest.  It has really been a curse and my life is worse off for it.  I am grateful for so many things but none of them because of cancer.”  I waited to be chastised or asked to leave or to dig deeper.  But, instead, my point of view was welcomed.  My opinion and my heart had a place there.  I felt accepted.  Even though my opinions might not conform to their philosophy per se, I was not seen as the Debbie downer, the poison, the pessimist.  I was able to say that everything good that happened to me during my cancer experience was not because of my cancer but, in spite of it.  It was empowering for me to say that and to acknowledge that I possessed the tools before cancer that helped me to get through it.

After our gratitude circle, we participated in a short yoga session.  It was simple and light.  I would have liked more but there was costume therapy to be done!

I was paired with makeup artist, Jose Lopez, who generously volunteered his time to be with us.  We sat down and introduced ourselves.  He asked me what I envisioned.  I didn’t really know but I told him that I was not afraid of color and that I like bold colors.  He asked me if I wanted to be pretty or dramatic.  My answer was, “If I want pretty, I’ll go to the Bobbi Brown counter.  I’m here.  Let’s do this!!!!”  It was the answer he was looking for.  I put my makeover completely into his hands.  I adored him from the moment I met him and knew I could trust his expertise.  This was the right decision.  For the next hour and a half, I watched Jose transform me from a breast cancer survivor who, that very morning could not look at herself in the mirror, into a dramatic, tribal like goddess.  It was incredible.  He kept adding on more and more.  And when I didn’t think it could get any better, he added on more lashes, more glitter, more eye makeup, more shadowing…AND IT WAS FABULOUS!!!!!  Here is some of my transformation.


Before, with no makeup on.


The beginning of the eye makeup


With eyes closed


Add on the glitter.


Adding in the details


A side view.


Another side view.


Adding glitter onto the lips.



More time? Let’s add more eye makeup!


Once the makeup was complete, I was draped in sequins.  We had a wonderful fashion/costume designer working with us and custom making/cutting all of our outfits right then and there.  All of the fabric and his time was donated.  It was wonderful.

Finally, we had the headdresses placed on our heads by the amazingly talented artist, Darrell Thorne (check out his amazing website!)  He made each of the head pieces and donated his time to be there to make sure they fit perfectly.  My head piece was amazing.  It had rhinestones and twisted metal. It was simultaneously etherial, powerful and haunting.


IMG_5900IMG_5905Once my headpiece was secured, I was escorted into the studio where my pictures were to be taken.  Before arriving, I was asked to share five songs that made me feel happy or powerful and these became the soundtrack for my photo shoot.  I won’t lie, even though I am an actress, I was totally nervous about my picture being taken.  I haven’t felt attractive in so long so this felt so vulnerable to me.  But there’s something about putting on a mask and costume that allowed me to channel what was deep inside; a confident, powerful woman.  I haven’t gotten any of my final, touched up photos yet but here are some pictures snapped from the computer.


At the end of the day, what did I get out of this experience?  Number one, I met some incredible women cancer survivors who were inspiring.  I wish that more time could have been spent getting to know them.  That was the one thing missing for me.

The transformation was so much fun and Jose, my makeup artist, was the highlight of my experience.  I loved working with him and felt like he really got who I was and what my Hidden Warrior looked like.  Like Michelangelo, who could see the sculpture underneath the marble slab, Jose could see the warrior underneath the makeup and used his brushes to bring her out.  When the transformation was complete, I did feel empowered, no doubt about it.  But when the makeup, costumes and headpiece came off, I was back to myself again.  I wish that I could say that the warrior you see in these pictures stayed, and I look at her from time to time and feel beautiful and free, but at the end of the day, my scars are still there, my body is still torn.  It’s hard to get rid of that point of view in just one day.  I wish I could.

I do want to try to find a more positive outlook on life.  I know that I will never see cancer as a gift but that doesn’t mean I can’t find the good in my new normal…my after breast cancer life.  I’m not sure what a happy life looks like right now but I know it exists and I want to find it.

I also learned that power can be found in false lashes, glitter, a severe brow and rhinestones!!!!!  No, really!!!!

Thank you, Hidden Warriors for this amazing opportunity.  I’m so glad that you exist and are making it your mission to empower women affected by cancer.  Hidden Warriors can continue only through funding and donations so, if you have a few dollars left over this month after rent, consider donating to their organization.  If you are a woman cancer survivor and are interested in participating in Hidden Warriors in the future, you can get more information on their website.

Here are a few more pictures of some of the other women warriors.

IMG_6004IMG_6006Here’s what happens when you give me a wig….


Here’s a picture of me and Jose.


And if you’re curious as to what songs I chose, wonder no more!

Friday I’m In Love

Vivaldi’s Four Seasons – Winter

Smooth Criminal

Time of Your Life 

Edge of Glory




Bits of Happiness #25

I don’t think I’ve told anyone, but I’m going to be a warrior!!!!!!  I am teaming up with an amazing organization, Hidden Warriors, to tap into my inner goddess and become a warrior for a day.

Hidden Warriors mission is, “We are committed to increasing self-esteem in and empowering women who have been affected by cancer. Together, we create an experiential and transformative adventure which tap into the Hidden Warriors they already are. The Warrior Makeover Workshop model is achieving this goal!”

I will be spending the day with volunteer makeup artists, costume designers, occupational therapists, yoga instructors, photographers and other amazing cancer survivors.  I absolutely can’t wait.

Yesterday, I stopped by the studio of the mad who makes the head gear.  Darrell is a seriously talented artist and it was so hard to choose which head piece I was going to wear but after trying on a bunch, this one is the one that felt right to me.  What do you think?  Isn’t it amazing?


I’ll be transforming on April 3rd.  I’m not sure when I’ll get the photos but I can’t wait to show them to you.  In the meantime, here are some past photos they have done.  What do you think?

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